This year has been a strange one for me. I would say I have been "busy" but I don't know if I have been any busier than I was last year, or the year before that. There is always something on the To Do list; there is always something to fill the time. (See this post from 2013 where I was having similar "issues").

However, for some reason, this year, I have felt more of a change in my mindset, or my motivation. Or maybe I have just shifted my priorities. I am not really sure what the catalyst was or where the mood started to shift, but this year, I feel like I have been slacking in a few of my normal, pleasurable departments.

I used to talk a lot about running on this space. In 2012, I think I ran almost 40 races, including 12 half marathons and 2 marathons and my first ultra. In 2013, I traveled to Boston, Washington DC and BC for races and I ran my first 50 miler. In 2014, I ran 10 races over 50k. This year, I started off great. I wanted to run my first 100 mile race. I was training in January and I felt strong. I was running up hills with gusto. Then I fell one day and sprained my ankle pretty badly and my training went downhill and my fitness started to decline. Of course, I still had races on the calendar, because a lot of the races you have to sign up for really early.

The first race was Jed Smith, which is a loop course. I ran it about 45 minutes slower than I had the year before. My ego took a dive. The next one was the Gorges 100k in Portland in March. I had not trained enough as my ankle was just beginning to feel better, and this one was not as fast as I would have liked either. Next up was Lake Sonoma 50M, where I did not do as well as I wanted but I actually did better than I thought I would. The weekend after that I had a road race, which hurt me more than all of the other races combined (I was sore for days!).

I had a few week gap, where I ran intermittently, and then came the big one, Quicksilver 100k, where I did much better than I thought I would and was actually very happy with my time. The "training" by way of racing actually worked this time. But I had signed up for another race the next weekend and this one was my nemesis. It's called the Silverstate 50M and it's near Reno and it's got a couple of huge climbs and it's at about 7000 - 8000 ft. Last year I ran it while injured and it was horrible. I got the worst time I have ever gotten and the last climb was torture. This year I actually felt pretty good for the first 40 miles, but then for the last 10 I felt nauseated and tired. I crossed the finish line and had to go and sit by myself in the porta-potty just in case I was going to lose my lunch.

In the weeks after that, I had no energy. BUT, what I haven't said is this. There is another component to the story. In February, I started house shopping. Every week I scoured the internet. Every weekend I went to open houses. Every couple of weeks, I put in offers that got turned down. Finally, in April, my offer got accepted and thus started the downhill slide into home ownership. My escrow was 21 days and it closed on May 19th, three days after Silverstate. So I was physically and mentally tired.

The trifecta of this story is that work also ramped up at this point in a major way. My duties and responsibilities were doubling and tripling. I am not complaining, but I am just saying that when I got home after work, the last thing I wanted to do was run. I wanted to sleep. I did not sleep. I pulled weeds and moved furniture. I made many trips to Home Depot and Target. I paid bills and sorted files and went through all my old clothes. But I barely ran.

Fast forward to now. Today my average miles per week are about 30, if I am lucky. I am snacking more than I would like. My pants are starting to get a bit snug. The only thing saving me is my daily commute to work. But who am I kidding; the commute is not saving me, it's only prolonging the inevitable. So I need to buck up and get back on the horse and stop making excuses.

But I don't want to. I would rather bake a cake (and eat half of it in one sitting while watching Top Chef and making excuses).

How do you get out of a slump? 

I'm having a problem.

I can't keep up.

How I feel, or a mural in the Mission, SF

So much so that I created a new category in my Reader (aka Feedly). It's called "People I've Met".

This category contains 15 blogs. It is the one that I TRY to keep up with. If I have time, I (try to) move to the next category, which has 50 other sources which I love. Then there is another category, and another 40, another category with another 30. And there are more after that.

I am ashamed to say that I can't even get through the first category. In fact, I have guilt RIGHT NOW because instead of getting through the first category, I am writing about the fact that I don't even have time to get through the first category.

Lately, I have been working overtime at work. My running schedule has been in the 50+ miles per week. I have been traveling on the weekend in order to see family and friends and/or do races. The commute each day has been a headache due to the fact that the Bay Bridge has been closed or there is a BART strike or the new Bay Bridge has opened.

I finally got rid of my car; the guy that came to get it was late and the process took longer than expected. I finally went to that Bikram class that I bought a Groupon for and now I have 8 weeks to complete 10 classes at a place roughly an hour away from my house or I lose my money. I volunteered for a couple of races which have been in random places at strange hours. I joined a softball team in San Francisco, which means I get home around 10 o'clock once a week.

I have been reading the same book for the last three weeks. My only chance to read has been on the bus, and often I am too tired, so I just stare out the window.

I have been eating "dinner" at 9 or 10 at night. This usually means heating up a potato in the microwave, eating it, and passing out shortly after.

Where does the time go, I ask? 

Let's be clear; I am not complaining. I wish that I wasn't so swamped at work, because it does take up a lot of time, plus my brain? Is tired by the end of the day. So tired, that reading books, or reading blogs, or writing, or pretty much doing anything where brain power is needed, is impossible. Or I can do it, but it doesn't stick, or make sense, so it's not really worth it. I'm like Sloth from The Goonies; I can't articulate (but I do like candy).

All of the other things are things I love and have chosen for myself. So I have nobody else to blame but myself. And I love hanging out with family and friends, running, eating, and enjoying the beautiful days. Which is part of the problem. If it's a nice day outside, it's hard to say no; it's impossible to sit inside. I sometimes want to say no, but then the guilt takes over. I feel like if someone is available and they invite me somewhere and it's a nice day, I would be a dunce to not enjoy it. But then I'm tired. But if I say no, I wish I would have said yes.

A guy at work told me today that I like a duck.

On the surface, I am calm and serene.

Below the surface, I am paddling like the dickens.

Sometimes I just feel that I can't paddle fast enough, no matter how hard I try.

Do you always paddle fast enough? Do you always fill your time or do you make sure to set aside time to relax?